You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
