Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize