Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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