my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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