i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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