So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
