So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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