Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
