FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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