Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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