I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
