my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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