if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
