just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
