After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
