shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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