His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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