When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
