Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
