they need to just BURY HIM!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize