I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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