Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
