Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
