the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
