So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
