with your own penis?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
