You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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