my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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