Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
