Non-Jews are for practice
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
