Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
