just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize