i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
