if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
