I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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