upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
