I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
