So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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