i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
