Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
