Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
