Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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