I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We need to rekindle our bromance
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No subtext here. People are naked.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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