Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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