a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
