p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
