dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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