i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
MIDGETS
????
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
