The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
