trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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