direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
