Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
