Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
