He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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