Please, let me fuck your mom
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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