Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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