you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
