I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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