Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize