I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
