and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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