The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize