Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
