I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
