Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
