You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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