using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
