I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
