my mouth tastes like poor choices
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
