I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
