Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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