I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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