theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
